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While Jackie, an M.C., makes jokes during a show that is being done for the M*A*S*H personnel, the war goes on as usual. Hawkeye and Frank clash over the treatment of a soldier. Trapper has a worse problem: he's fighting desperately to save a badly injured man. He asks Mulcahy to pray for his surgical skills. Meanwhile Henry is trying to get news of his wife, who is about to give birth back home. Frank gets revenge on Hawkeye — a bucket of water drops on him as he enters the Swamp. Kaplan is about to go home and won't shake hands with anyone for fear of injury. Trapper continues operating and his patient is sinking. Henry learns that a son has been born. Trapper's patient's heart stops, but Trapper massages it back to life. Gradually the patient's blood pressure improves. Radar joins the combo on stage for a wild drum solo. Kaplan is picked up by a driver who he decides is too young. He takes the wheel himself and everyone waves goodbye. There's a crash that puts Kaplan in traction, though the driver is unhurt. Radar is worried about Blake having no infant to cuddle and brings in a newborn Korean and his mother. Hawkeye has the last word in his duel with Frank as he pulls the tent off the latrine while Frank is using it.

Hawkeye Pierce Alan Alda

Trapper John Wayne Rogers

Henry Blake McLean Stevenson

Hot Lips Loretta Swit

Frank Burns Larry Linville

Radar Gary Burghoff

Father Mulcahy William Christopher

Ugly John John Orchard

Jackie Flash Joey Forman

Kaplan Harvey J. Goldenberg

Driver Stanley Clay

Producer Gene Reynolds

Executive Story Consultant Larry Gelbart

Associate Producer Burt Metcalfe

Director Jackie Cooper