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Hawkeye is talking into Trapper's tape recorder to tell his father about the events of the previous day. Frank performs triage, showing more concern for the necessary paperwork than the patients. Klinger drives a Luxembourg Lieutenant in for treatment, but Hawkeye says he can wait. The next patient is a Turk. Though injured and sedated, he is wild and slashes away with a knife. He is followed by Lt. Smith who carries in his sergeant. When Frank's only concern is to be saluted, Smith pulls his gun. Meanwhile, the Turk gets off the operating table and a hypodermic needle meant for him sticks into Henry, knocking him out. Colonel Blanche comes looking for the Luxembourg soldier and Radar tells Blake he sort of died. Colonel Blanche won't leave without him, while the Turk runs by in a sheet, holding a bayonet in his hand. Trapper works on the sergeant, while Smith, still armed, watches. The camp is turned upside down looking for the Lieutenant and the Turk is cornered in the kitchen. Hawkeye and Radar discover, with the aide of a dictionary, that the Turk is mad at the Chinese. Trapper makes a deal. He sends the Turk off with Radar in a Jeep, knowing he’ll fall asleep before he gets to the front. Just as a memorial service is being held for the Lieutenant a jeep returns driven by the Turk to drop off Radar. Hawkeye winds up his story when Trapper arrives to tell him there are no batteries in the tape recorder.

Hawkeye Pierce Alan Alda

Trapper John Wayne Rogers

Henry Blake McLean Stevenson

Hot Lips Loretta Swit

Frank Burns Larry Linville

Radar Gary Burghoff

Klinger Jamie Farr

Lt. Smith William Watson

Turk Sirri Murad

Col. Blanche Curt Lowens

Producers Gene Reynolds

Larry Gelbart

Associate Producer Burt Metcalfe

Director Gene Reynolds